Everyone who drinks beer needs to, at some point and time in their life, be a part of a kegger. Whether it is you who are providing the keg or just that you wanted to go to a really cool toga party and low and behold Zeus has provided a Hercules sized beer dispenser. Either way you don’t want to look like the ‘noob’ who is lost at what to do when you are handed your plastic red chalice for the night. No, you want to be the expert, a god among men who can make women swoon at the vastness of his beerpertise. Alas, not all men were created equal and some of us must study and practice hard every night to become beerologists. Pouring the perfect martini doesn’t happen by chance and neither will your knowledge of kegs. So continue on and read ahead for you my friend are on your way to greatness.
How to buy a Keg:
This is different in every state and sometimes even by county so make sure to ask s/he who knows all things….Google. According to Wikipedia there are 21 states with Keg Registration laws. In my home state of Ohio you can only buy kegs from a distributer and not just your local corner liquor shop, and if you purchase five or more kegs you have to wait 5 days before you can pick them up. Also those who purchase these 5+ kegs are now subject to police searching the party location without the need of a warrant. How’s a monkey supposed to get funky? If this is true for you as well make sure to pay attention what time the distributers close because most shut down at 5pm on Friday which could leave you kegless if you wait.
What Size:
The standard sizes for barrels in the US are the ½ barrel keg, ¼ barrel keg (pony keg) and the 1/6 barrel keg which are the same size and volume of a Cornelius Keg (I poo you not, there really is a keg with my name but unfortunately it is mainly used only for soda yet occasionally beer for home brewers).
Equipment:
Now that you have your keg, make sure you have all the necessary equipment for a keg party.
• Keg Tap – if you don’t have your own many places will rent one out to you for the cost of the tap which you will get back once you return your keg and tap for your deposit. Make sure that you have the correct type because there is a difference between the type of tap used on domestic and import beers.
• Cups – a keg holds on average 150 cups of beer, beware if you don’t have cups your bowls and pots will be sacrificed in the name of Bluto.
• Ice – unless you have a kegarator (fridge built for dispensing kegs since your average fridge won’t hold a keg) you need a lot of ice
• Trash Can – not for trash my furless friend this is to house your keg and ice
• Blanket – This is to tuck away your keg before the party to keep it chilly
Extras can be a Cold Plate, pitchers, CO2 tank and regulator
Houston We Have a Problem?…..Don’t Worry Keep Cool:
Most keg problems have to do with temperature, which results in foamy beer and while it’s acceptable to pour one out for the homies, wasting beer as foam is unacceptable if not criminal. Your keg must be between 36-38°F the warmer it gets the better the conditions become for bacteria growth causing your beer to ‘spoil.’ This means that you need to give your beer time to settle and cool down after you bring it home, think of it like bringing new fish home you’re not supposed to just dump the fishies into the water…no you let the bag sit atop the water so it adjusts. The recommended resting time is 2-4 hours before you serve up your beer.
If you are a pro and have CO2 tank the problem may lay in the pressure. Your beers pressure should be between 12-14 PSI for Ale and Lager beers but if you are purchasing from a distributer it is always best to ask the pros how they recommend their beer to be dispensed.
If you are using an air pump the recommended ‘freshness’ timeline is about 12 hours. Otherwise too much air will begin to alter the beer.
Sometimes the problem is the user and not your keg or equipment. To properly pour a glass of beer tilt the glass at a 45° angle get close to the faucet but do not push the cup against the faucet. Once the cup is half full bring your glass to an upright position to finish your pour. Finish by pouring the beer down the middle of the glass to give it that perfect pour finish. Also make sure that they have pumped the keg only to maintain a steady flow, you will usually have one party goer who feels the need to pump the keg 30 times before they pour their glass.
Depending on the results your troubleshooting may vary for wild beer, flat beer, cloudy beer or false head.
Why Buy A Keg:
Besides the obvious fact that saying, ‘hey come over tomorrow we are having a kegger’ sounds so much cooler than, ‘hey we bought two cases of Pabst Blue you wanna be my friend now?’ it is more economical. As stated above a keg of beer holds around 150 beers and using my recent adventure a ½ barrel keg of Bud Light cost $101 for a total of about $.67 per cup while a case at the your local store for say $18 gives you each can for about $.75 saving you some money while at the same time making you a lot cooler. The figures will vary depending on who’s pouring and the cost of the keg but either way it is still a cost savor, especially if you have a lush…err um slush fund that party goers can contribute for future kegs.
Now that you are on your way becoming a certified beerologist make sure to suggest future topics for New Brew Tuesday: Monkey Brew U. courses.
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