Gin and Vodka Martinis ready to do battle in my gullet. I wish I had a tux for this picture.

The martini, a simple yet complex drink that has a multitude of variations that if one’s specifications are altered slightly could end in disaster. Poignantly called “the only American invention as perfect as a sonnet.” by H.L. Mencken, he may have stumbled upon the only correct way to describe this classic cocktail. The history of its birth is clouded through the brine and disheveled clout bruised by hands who did not know how to handle the gift they created. Orders prattled off as if they were speaking in tongues, a language understood and spoken only by true believers in the purity of perfection.

Yet, while one can appreciate the comradery among cocktails it is also grounds for great disputes over who indeed holds the key to unlock the secrets of perfection in what truly defines a martini.

For those who are spectators in the sport of spirits, it is hard to understand how one’s taste in a martini is as specific as one’s taste in women. The appreciation of true beauty that can not be tainted by anything less than your highest expectations for their is no greater dishonor than those who challenge your integrity, your family or you martini. The latter of which, at times, intertwined with the two former that they become indistinguishable.

Alas, there is a need to acknowledge the variations on how to compose this cocktail. So without further ado, the breakdown of the martini.

Vodka vs Gin

The original martini and to many the only way to correctly concoct this cocktail, a dry typically London gin must be used. However to many others a worthy substitute, if it may be called that, is vodka. It boils down to your preference, while the gin martini gives more taste to the tip of the tongue the vodka martini rests towards the back. It is an argument that can be compared to Irish Whiskey vs Scotch Whisky, while the Irish boast to have created it the Scots claim to have perfected it.

Dirty vs Regular

To many, the classic image of the martini is with the olive resting at the bottom of the glass, but what many fail to realize is the clarity of the drink. A dirty martini is slightly clouted by the addition of the olive’s brine to the drink. Where as the clear or regular is without the brine added. This can be the most difficult aspect of the martini for it is here that you can ruin the martini the easiest. Although, to others delight, they prefer their martini with a twist, which substitutes the olive all together for a lemon peel. However by leaving the olive where it invariably belongs you open yourself up to the various options in which it can be pitted, such as replacing the pimento with garlic, almonds, cheese, or other alternatives.

Dry vs Wet

Vermouth, a red or white wine mixed with a variety of herbs, spices and wormwood which is where the name Vermouth derives from – the German word Wermut.¹ Why is this important you ask, because it give the martini its defining character, otherwise it is no more than a shot of gin or vodka. Typically you use a dry (white) Vermouth for the martini and find your sweet (red) Vermouth in your other cocktails such as a cosmopolitan or appletini. The more Vermouth you add to your martini the more ‘wet’ it becomes. I’ve always been taught that for a perfect dry martini you add just barely enough Vermouth to cover the bottom of the bottle cap. The addition of more Vermouth changes the character of the drink and will take away from the gin or vodka flavor, not in a way that ice would dilute a drink but as in the addition of hops will change the compound and flavoring of a beer.

Shaken vs Stirred

Everybody knows the Bond quote, “Shaken, not stirred.” but few understand the complexity behind the reasoning, and it is said even less can actually taste the difference. Gin, when shaken, can bruise which means alter the taste of the gin giving it a bitter taste. However from my readings this does not hold true for vodka. Shaking can also dilute the martini more since you are breaking up the ice faster. The preference is really up to the individual, that is of course, unless he wants to use the James Bond line which we all do in “I’m a bad ass” kind of way.

So how do I like my martini, well the same way my grandfather drank his and I’m guessing how his father drank his martini – vodka on the rocks, dirty, stirred, dry and with two olives but of course, as if there was any other way.

I want to give a special thanks to Andrew G Hayes who inspired me to write this post of Andrew Hayes.com who seems to be not too misguided on his taste of martini which is a vodka, shaken, wet, clean with an olive.

They say you can tell a lot about a man, woman or in this case monkey from the type of martini they drink, what does your martini say about you?

Great sites that I used for reference:
Brad Gadberry’s- The Martini FAQ

Digs Magazine

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Tags | clean vs dirty, dry vs wet, martini, Monkey Brew U., shaken vs stirred, vermouth, vodka vs gin